What It Seems

It's been a long time since i took a step back and just view what had happened around me this day . i'm other's now.. and never yours anymore .

and i did things . terrible things that i knew would never had the chance for you to forgive my sins . all the promises that i've said to you i knew not now . but 1 thing for sure that i knew i've broken all of it .

and the fact that i no longer yours . its somehow terribly painful inside . because i tried my best to love you all this while.. and i knew that you love me back with all your heart .

but i can't help myself from thinking the wrongdoings you did when we were together . i can't help but to wonder what would it be if you were to b my wife with what you are now .

when you were given the choice to wear 'tudung' and you chose not to . that made me think twice of my decision to let you in my life again . that kept me wondering whether all this while , maybe you're only doing that for the sake of me . because i've heard rumors now that you're not wearing one . i know not for sure . but i pray that you're still wearing it .

leaving you was never the simplest thing i did . it took me weeks , several nightmares and waking shakingly in the middle of the night . and still its happening now .

because i know that i do try to love you once upon a time . but you said once that you'll never wanna be good or try to be good to me . and that made all the difference .

when i tried to be good at you . please don't misunderstood me of trying to get you back . call me a sweet talker all you want but i never lied when i said i'm not one . if i am , don't you think i'm able to sweet talk you from fighting with me the other day ? because of what i said about that i cared about you .

not because of pity . not because out of sympathy . but truly that i cared . so i texted you to make sure you're okay and for the sake of our friendship . i was taken aback when you secretly didn't like me doing that .

why didn't you just say so ? i know that you would never forgive me so that's why i tried and all you have to do was to say that my hospitality was not accepted in your live and i would just go away .

i know that you would never read this post . cause i'm not gonna post this anywhere to public . so i'm saying here that truly from my heart that i'm terribly sorry of things that didn't work out around us . every blame that you would put on me , i accept it with open heart .

what i did to you i knew will never seem acceptable . and i never blame you . i just want you to know that your dignity , your pride . they had never been taken away by me . its still there with you . its me who lost my pride and dignity of what i did to you . and as painful as it is , i accept that fact .

so this is the last time i would ever speak about us . i know that this post will never came to your knowledge cause i'm not intend to post it anywhere public . maybe this post shall never come to anyone's knowledge . so i'm crying my heart out just to say i'm terribly sorry of what had happened btwn us .

i'm sorry that you knew someone as bad as me .
someday . i hope that the person who opens your heart in the future .

will be the best man who will always love you until his final breath .

amin ...